There have been news reports about men and women becoming obsessed with their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend to the point of harming or killing them when they feel threatened they will leave. A husband in California killed his wife and small son because he thought she was in love with someone else. I have couple of guys obsessed with me, David a married 32 years old man, and Kurdish guy Keyvan 40 years old from south. Both talk about killing me and ask me to marry them often! And when they don’t see a response they start defaming and threatening me, but fortunately for me I live in Los Angeles and they both are one in Iran.
They claim they do this out of an intense love, and link it to the kind of love that inspired Shakespeare’s sonnets, or the kind of books that readers cannot put down for days. They like to think their own love story is like those that famous producers create to be so touching the entire audience is left crying. These kind of love stories leave the audience talking about these movies, books, or poems for generations, but if you are involved in a real life obsessive love story it is anything but full of love. It is a scary, twisted sick nightmare for the unfortunate person involved with someone who is obsessed.
We learn how to love from our family of origin. Their reason for control may be their fear of abandonment. Usually people who are obsessed come on way too strong in the beginning, due to a severe sense of loss in their own life, left untreated, obsessive love can lead to dangerous consequences as well as murder.
The first level is the attraction phase. This is the beginning, so it is most important that you note it. Basically, the person comes on way too strong. They may send flowers, text, letters, and stickers immediately after they meet you, and talk about being with you constantly.
The second phase is the anxious phase. This is when they become more controlling as they are worried you will leave. They also may want to isolate you or limit your meeting with others in this stage.
The third phase is the obsessive phase. They begin to break the law or make impossible demands on your time and life. They begin calling your place of work or home frequently. They become demanding of constant attention and they become enraged. Control tactics are used: they will have you followed, traced, and watched continuously. (David and Keyvan)
The final phase is the destructive phase. In this stage, the obsessed person realizes they have lost you. They will be filled with so much self hate that they often will have suicidal thoughts and may kill the person and/or themselves. They have a very low sense of self, and also may project the hatred they feel for themselves onto you. This causes rage, and possibly revenge. It is very dangerous.
If you see signs of this with someone, it is important you act immediately. If it is allowed to continue, you may not be able to ever get out.
Here are 5 things to do if you find yourself encountered with an obsessed person:
- Tell them you cannot date them. The truth is the best, then change all of your numbers and email accounts, and don’t answer texts, or voicemail.
- Don’t frequent any of the places you know the sick person might be there.
- Don’t accept any gifts sent to your home.
- Tell your closest friends and family about the sick person.
- Obsessed people have a way of knowing what you’ll respond to. No matter what, do not get involved with them. If they tell you they will kill themselves, call the police. Suicide must be taken seriously, but professionals who deal with suicide will be able to handle it more effectively than you.
Obsessive love may feel flattering the first time you experience the incredible attention they afford you. However, after 24 hours when the adornment is continuing non-stop, it becomes too much and many times frightening. Rid yourself of these sick people ASAP.